Lord, why isn’t anything going my way?
Why aren’t Your promises being fulfilled?
How is it that on some days I feel so spiritually uplifted and on others dead and failing?
Lord, what if I do this for You today? Will You give me something that I want in return?
Am I that invisible to those around me?
Why is there no Peace in my heart even after I’ve prayed to You?
How do I learn to trust You with my life?
I’ve been through plenty this past week. Been through the wringer and tried to save myself. Failed miserably.
It’s strange how the littlest things could set me off. I was a ticking time bomb. Come to think of it now, I’ve always had a short fuse. I’ve always been overly sensitive. Beat myself up to the point where I could no longer say a prayer without sobbing throughout. Have you ever had it so bad that you wanted to give up? That extreme when you no longer listen,hear or care about what others have to say?
Well I’ve felt all of that and more, it doesn’t even feel real anymore. There comes a point when the devil tries his best to drive you further into that dark hole you’re trying to climb out of, in the first place. I’ve asked question after question. Yelled at my loved ones even. Suppressed my frustration only to have it spill over uncontrollably. Then,God took my hand and showed me what to do.
It’s like a disease,Strife.The only cure is the Gospel. God’s written Word.
I needed to share this with you.
James 4:1 What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? – Now this, opened my eyes. I argued and yelled. Simply because the things I thought I wanted and needed weren’t being met. I thought I needed to be loved better, but now I know that God’s love is the only love that’s ever going to be enough for me. I thought I knew where I would be today in my career, but now I know that only God directs my steps. He will give me what’s best for me, when I’m ready for it. In His time.
James 4:2 You want something but you don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. – So I thought to myself, well I’ve asked God for a ton of things and I still don’t have them yet. I’m still left hanging…
Then I read the next verse…
James 4:3 When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. - It all made sense to me then. I’ve been asking and asking,praying and praying, crying and crying but with all the wrong motives! How humbling it is when I read those lines again. I want certain things because I think they’ll make me happy. Now, I know that my life is God’s Gift to me. I refuse to live it only for myself.
“Jesus died for us.We need to live for Him.”
We all fall. We’re only human. The difference is when we fall, we fall as God’s children. You can always count on Him to catch you when you fall.